She Misses Him
by knivespast
Summary: Set roughly 40 years after the Yuuzhan Vong War ends, not canon-compliant.  Jaina and Jag deal with life's everyday tragedies.  Set to Tim Rushlow's "She Misses Him."  Jaina/Jag pairing.


I don't own _Star Wars_; I'm just playing in the universe. The song _She Misses Him _is performed by Tim Rushlow.

**SHE MISSES HIM**

Jaina Fel awoke with a start. Something was desperately wrong. At sixty-one years of age, she had lived long enough to know not to ignore the feeling. Although it had been years since she needed to fight, the defiant fire had not left her eyes.

Scanning the small cabin, both with her own eyes and with the Force, Jaina realized that there was no apparent danger lurking in the shadows. Stretching out with the Force once more, Jaina instead focused her mind on the ominous feeling tickling the far reaches of her consciousness.

Glancing down at her husband beside her, Jaina was surprised to find herself staring into his pale green eyes. Jaina reached for Jag through the Force, only to be blasted away by a wall of shields. Jagged Fel was not a Force-adept, and yet, the strength of his shields amazed her. But even more astounding than the strength of Jag's shields was the fact that they were there at all. Jag had not felt the need to shield himself from Jaina since before their wedding, nearly forty years prior to that night.

Looking into Jag's eyes, Jaina saw a deep fear. She probed the mysterious shields once more, only to discover the flame that was Jag had been blocked off from the outside world. It was then that Jaina understood that the shields were not of Jag's design. Instead, he was a prisoner trapped behind them. Furthermore, Jaina realized that she had no way to penetrate those shields. With this revelation, Jaina understood Jag's fear.

**Five years later...**

She shaves his face.  
>She combs his hair.<br>She helps him find his rocking chair.  
>She cooks his meals.<br>She wipes his mouth, and the window that he's looking out.

She reads him books.  
>She speaks his name.<br>Oh, every day is much the same.  
>She sighs that sigh from deep within, the one that says, "she misses him."<p>

A small step-stool floated into the kitchen. When it landed at her feet, Jaina Fel mounted it in order to reach the overhead cupboards. She pulled out two bowls and placed them on the counter next to the food processor.

An alarm rang in the bedroom down the hall. Jaina hurried to turn it off, then grinned at the sleepy man who had just awoken.

"Good morning, Sweetheart," she said, sitting down on the bed. "I hope you slept well."

"J-Jaya," Jag stuttered. The right corner of his mouth tweaked up in a small smile.

"Come on, let's get you moving. The kids are coming today. We can't let them see what a scruffy-looking nerfherder you've become, now can we?" Jaina found Jag's slippers, partially hidden under the bed, and then she helped him to sit up and swing his legs over the side. She placed his cane in his right hand, then took her place on his left side. Jaina helped Jag to stand, and they began the long trek to the 'fresher. Although it was really only ten meters, Jag felt as if he were walking the entire length of a Super Star Destroyer.

After assisting Jag with his bathing, Jaina made certain that he was comfortably seated on a stool. She fetched the old-fashioned razor blade and shaving foam from a drawer. Jaina squirted some of the foam onto her hand, then proceeded to spread it on her husband's face.

"Do you remember the first time I ever shaved you?" Jaina asked with a sly smile. "It was the morning after our wedding."

_Jaina Solo rolled over and stretched, memories of the previous night's activities flooding her consciousness. _Jaina Solo Fel_, she mused with a smile. Her reverie was broken by the sound of Jag's voice, calling to her from their 'fresher._

_"Jaina-love, would you come here please? I need you." Jag's voice, although pleading, held a mischievous tone._

_"Mmm?" Jaina rose, taking the sheet with her. Upon entering the 'fresher, Jaina was not surprised to see that Jag was clad solely in a towel. However, the fact that his face was covered in shaving foam and he held a razor blade in one hand did surprise her._

_"I've got an idea," Jag said._

_"Why does this scare me?" Jaina replied._

_In response, Jag took Jaina's hand and pulled her to him. Taking a seat on a stool, Jag placed the razor in Jaina's hand._

_"You want me to shave you?"_

_"Uh-huh." Jag nodded._

_"Okay," Jaina replied dubiously._

_After completing the shave, Jaina stepped back to admire her handiwork. Jag looked good; there was no doubt in her mind._

_"Well?" he asked impatiently._

_"It looks kissable," she replied._

_"Really?"_

_"Really."_

_"There's only one way to find out," he said._

_"And what's that?" she asked innocently._

_"Kiss me," he said, his voice husky. Jaina wrapped her arms around Jag's neck, pressing her lips to his. She kissed him hungrily, with a passion she had only recently discovered._

Jaina smiled wistfully, remembering where that kiss had led. She finished shaving Jag's face, then proceeded to comb his snow-white hair for him.

Locating the cane once more, Jaina and Jagged plodded into the living room. Jaina helped him find his hover-rocker, and then she returned to the kitchen.

Turning on the food processor, Jaina prepared a simple Corellian soup. She poured it into the two bowls she'd set out earlier, placed them on a tray, found silverware, and carried the tray into the living room.

After lunch, Jaina turned on the HoloNet. But as she'd told Jag earlier, their children were coming. She had only a few hours until they arrived. Jaina decided it would be in her best interest to tidy up the small home.

She scrubbed the transparisteel window that looked out on the marketplace. When that task was finished, Jaina moved to dust the holographs hanging in the hallway.

As she pulled the first one off the wall, a barrage of memories hit her. The holograph, though thirty-nine years old, was her favorite. In it, a twenty-seven-year-old bride and a twenty-nine-year-old groom grinned back at her. She and Jag had been so carefree then. The Vong war had been over for nearly two standard years, and life had begun to return to normal. They'd been eager to start their new life together.

Jaina sighed heavily. She replaced that holograph, then pulled off the next one. It had been taken a year later, and it featured Jaina and Jag standing in a docking bay in front of a large ship.

_"Close your eyes," Jag said._

_"Why?" Jaina asked._

_"I have a surprise for you," he answered. Jaina closed her eyes, and she could feel the excitement rolling off of Jag._

_Jag led Jaina to a docking bay. Inside, a sleek new ship awaited her. It was Jag's gift to Jaina in honor of their first anniversary._

_"Okay, you can open your eyes now," Jag said._

_Jaina gasped when she saw what was before her. "Is this for me?"_

_"Happy anniversary, Jaina-love. I hope it will help you with that charter business you wanted to start." The ship was large enough to hold both her x-wing and his clawcraft. It had fortified shields and enhanced weaponry. The ship had also been built for speed._

_"It's perfect, Sweetheart. Thank you," Jaina whispered, her voice full of awe._

The ship had indeed proven its worthiness over the years. As Jaina thought back on some of the adventures they'd had, the door chime sounded. Through the Force, Jaina knew that her children had arrived. Furthermore, they'd brought their own children. It had been a long time since Jaina and Jag had seen their grandchildren. Jaina hurried to answer the door.

His children come on Saturday.  
>There at his feet, his grandkids play.<br>It's sad they don't know him at all.  
>He's just the one they call "Grandpa."<p>

They take out his trash.  
>They mow his lawn.<br>Things he can't do since he's been gone.  
>She's grateful that they're pitching in.<br>And like everyone, "she misses him."

Three-year-old Griffin Fel shuffled his feet nervously. He and his family were going to visit Nana and Grandpa Fel. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Griffin loved his grandparents as much as any three-year-old could, but there was something about Grandpa Fel that just didn't seem right.

Griffin had inherited his parents' Force talents. Despite his young age, Griffin had an uncanny ability to sense people. Grandpa Fel didn't feel like most people. Even people who were't Force-sensitive, like Aunt Miriam and her son Sean, made definite impressions in the Force. Grandpa Fel wasn't like that.

Griffin felt like Grandpa Fel was trapped behind a wall. As much as he tried, Griffin couldn't get in. But even more strange, Grandpa Fel couldn't get out. To Griffin's three-year-old mind, this was confusing.

The door slid open silently, revealing Jaina and Jag's children, their respective spouses, and all of their grandchildren. Jaina hurriedly ushered them all inside, embracing each one tightly once the door slid closed again.

"Where's Pops?" Matthew asked, releasing his mother.

"In the living room. He's been so excited to see you all again," Jaina replied. As she quickly herded her family out of the entrance hallway, Jaina wondered if she might be able to convince the older children to help her with some of the household chores.

"Nana? What do you want us to do?" six-year-old Hanna asked. She was the daughter of Jaina and Jag's oldest son, Jacob.

"We can do whatever you need," her seven-year-old brother Nicholas chimed in.

"Well, if it's all right with your mom and dad, I'd like you to supervise the maintenance droids," Jaina said. She glanced briefly at Jacob and his wife Serra for permission. They nodded their consent.

After Nicholas and Hanna were settled with the droids, Jaina left them in order to return to the others. The afternoon was relatively peaceful until Hanna broke the silence with a strange question.

"Nick, do you remember Grandpa before?" she asked.

"Before what?"

"Before he became like this. I don't know, back when he was still Grandpa." Her green eyes searched his, hoping for some indication that he understood.

"I do understand what you mean. I have a few memories. We were really little then. I was only Trella's age at the time." Trella was their two-year-old cousin, and Matthew's youngest daughter.

"I know. But sometimes, I think I'm starting to forget. You're the only other one who would know. Daddy and Uncle Matt and Aunt Miriam only get sad when I ask. What do you remember?" Her face looked so hopeful, he couldn't refuse to answer.

"Well, I remember Grandpa chasing me around the lounge of the _Silver Saber_. And he told stories about flying in the Vong War. Nana even showed me a holo of his clawcraft once!" The young boy's dark eyes sparkled as he described the ship to his sister.

"Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. What do you remember?"

"His songs."

_Jagged Fel, hair gone white with age, danced around the living room with eleven-month-old Hanna in his arms. His granddaughter had woken up from her nap prematurely, and he desperately wanted her to go back to sleep. Jag was beginning to run out of options. Recalling an old lullaby his own mother had sung to him over half a century ago, Jag began to sing. His rich baritone voice seemed to soothe the child, and she quickly drifted back to sleep._

"He sang to you a lot, didn't he?" Nicholas asked.

"Yeah. I miss it. I miss _him_," Hanna replied.

"It looks like the droids are done. Come on, let's go tell Nana." Nicholas stood, and pulled his sister up behind him. Together, they walked back to the house.

Inside, everyone else was talking, or playing, happily. Jacob and Serra were sitting together on a small sofa. Across from them, Matthew and his wife Nelli were watching their four children, while trying to converse with the other adults. Bekkah and Ryan, the four-year-old twins, were playing with their brother and sister, Griffin and Trella. One-year-old Sean was sleeping quietly in his mother's lap. Miriam's husband Xander was the only person missing, and his absence was quite conspicuous.

Several hours later, the children all hugged their Nana goodbye, then turned to dutifully bid goodbye to Grandpa as well. The only exceptions were Nicholas and Hanna, who sought out their grandfather first. Their actions made Jaina's eyes shimmer with tears, but she hastily blinked them away. It saddened her to see that most of her grandchildren had never known the incredible man that had once been Jagged Fel. Jaina knew that he was still in there somewhere, but it hurt to see that her grandchildren didn't make the effort to get to know him.

Long after their children had left, Jaina helped Jag into bed. In the dim light, she pulled the blankets up around him, kissed him softly, and turned to leave. Jag surprised her by reaching out, and catching her wrist with his right hand. He gently guided her to sit on the bed.

"My Jaya," Jag whispered when she finally met his eyes.

At his simple words, Jaina's resolve collapsed. She drew back the blankets enough to allow herself to crawl into the bed alongside Jag. Together, they wrapped his arms tightly around her, and Jaina snuggled into Jag's warm embrace.

**Five years earlier...**

"I take it this is something bacta can't fix," Jaina stated. It was not a question by any stretch of the word.

"No, it's not." The medic's face was grim. "Mrs. Fel, your husband has suffered a serious stroke. Although he is stable for now, Jagged is at an increased risk of a second stroke."

"What can I expect in the future?" Jaina asked.

"I cannot tell you exactly what to expect. Each case presents its own unique set of perplexing problems. You've noted that your husband's speech patterns have been disrupted, as well as a general paralysis." Though the medic spoke in soothing tones, his words did not ease Jaina's fears.

"Is there any chance that he can recover?"

"At this point in time, your husband's recovery rests largely in his own hands. However, it has been proven that if the victim of a stroke is motivated to recover, then the chances of it actually happening increase. I will caution you that some, and likely all, of these handicaps will be permanent."

"May I see him now?"

"Of course. Right this way." The medic held the door open for Jaina, and closed it softly behind her.

"Hi, Sweetheart. How're you feeling?"

Jag averted his gaze.

"Jagged Fel! You look at me right now!" Jaina took both of Jag's hands in hers, and green eyes reluctantly met brown eyes. "When I married you, I promised I'd stay by your side through sickness as well as health. I promised I'd be with you until death parts us. Well I'm not dead yet, and neither are you! I'm willing to fight this stroke, but you need to help me. I love you, Jagged Fel. I love you more now than I did the day I married you because I've had every day since then to fall more deeply in love with you. I will stay and fight this, but only if you fight too."

As the tears that had been welling up in Jaina's eyes began to spill down her cheeks, Jag's right hand gently squeezed her left hand. It was a small step, to be sure, but a step nonetheless.

And yes, they're still together after all these years.  
>But sometimes, you can almost feel the sadness in her tears.<br>She misses his gentle touch, and the way he used to make her laugh.  
>She misses the man he was in all of those old photographs.<br>So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart.  
>The man who stole her very heart.<br>She misses him

The End


End file.
